this is the way i get by

As I reach the final twenty pages of Chuck Klosterman's IV, I realize two things: A) He not only is completely self aware, he is aware of every single thing happening in media around him, and B) He could probably be my best friend.

I like Chuck Klosterman for the same reason I like Kurt Vonnegut (and this has nothing to do with the fact that Klosterman referenced a Vonnegut short story within the aforemention book): They both write like I talk. And, as it is, also how I tend to write. They're intelligent, creative minds who don't find it necessary to splatter their work with pretentious, hundred-dollar words that half the people reading their work aren't going to understand anyway. They make reading easy. And I think this is actually where many of their critics find a problem. Many literary fanatics want a challenge in reading. But isn't reading supposed to be fun? If I open a book and there are at least four words I haven't used in casual conversation in the last eight months, I will put it down and bid it a polite "adieu." Because chances are I'm not going to remotely remember a fourth of what I've read when I come to the book's ending. Now, maybe this makes me stupid. Maybe this means I'm not willing to expand my vocabulary or my creative mind or my fucking sense of being. But, honestly, I like to think I have a above-average vocabulary anyway, so why would I want to talk or write like a professor of English unless, in fact, I'm talking to some English Ph.D candidates or my fellow collegues? People just aren't very smart. And I don't intend to make them feel any dumber than they already are (Here is a case in which popular culture has gotten in the way of my childhood schooling, inasmuch as I am not exactly sure if "dumber" is or is not a word).

Moving on, The last section of IV is a novella he wrote during his downtime at work while he was a " popular arts" reporter for the Akron Beacon Journal (hilarious side note: The Beacon Journal already had a music critic, a movie critic, an arts critic and sports reporters, so he basically had to write about visiting psychics and asking whether they believe he will make it into the professional bowling hall of fame). This novella, he said, was loosely based off his life after having moved to Akron. And I can actually picture everything he's writing as he is doing it. I honestly think he was just narrating his life, which all of us, admit it, love to do internally.

It seems like every time I read a book that is written in the first person, after I lie it down, I start narrating my own life. Chuck Klosterman narrates his smoking angel dust in the parking lot every Monday, Thursday and Friday before work. I would nrrate heating up a bowl of soup in the microwave. But, whatever it is that you're doing, it's a lot of fun pretend you're writing a book about yourself. This is what I think Jack Kerouac was doing while writing On the Road.

This being said, while I've been on my "vacation" since January, I've been searching within myself to find the inspiration for a book, novella, story or screenplay to keep myself busy with and ultimately try to make some money off of. On the Road was a classic. I mean, I don't do drugs or run off to California every three months or visit a dirty whorehouse in Mexico... but I mean, my life could be a book, couldn't it?

While I was home last week, my mom and I were watching "October Road." The premise of this television show is that Jake from "One Tree Hill" writes this bestselling book about his childhood and his girlfriend, Donna from "That 70's Show," gets washed up, moves back to his small hometown, and drama and comedy and heartache ensue. My mom turned to me and said, "Rachel, you could write a book about you and your friends in high school." This is where she is wrong. My friends and I were too normal. Nothing dramatic happened to us. With the exception of lke, two of us, we didn't even date people. We hung out together and drank Sunkist and watched TV together. We didn't even party. It would be the most boring book ever. We're not a particularly interesting group... although, I love my friends. They are very fun to hang out with and exceedingly pleasant to be around. There was just no drama. And no baby mama drama, for that matter.

Anyway, that conversation then led into "whom of my friends would be which character on Saved by the Bell?" Of which we couldn't come up with any comfortable conclusions aside from the fact that Tom would be Screech.

Every paragraph of this entry has been completely different from the other. That is another criticism of Klosterman: people say his paragraphs don't transition smoothly. Well fuck them. That's what.

P.s. I heard last night on Conan that redheads will be extinct in 100 years. I find that to be amazing.

i am 22 years old.

eight years ago, when i was 14 years old, i decided i wanted to be journalist. i went to college to learn how to be a journalist. i got a college degree, assuring me, and everyone else, that i was then qualified to be a journalist. then, i did not become a journalist.

instead, i accepted a job as communications coordinator at real living, inc. "one of the fastest growing real estate franshises in the nation." and this was true. at my new job, my first job out of college, i wrote and edited various articles for newsletters, did internal communications and helped create copy for marketing materials. i knew nothing about the real estate industry going into the job, but i was determined to learn..... and i did..... but just a little too late.

on january 4, i lost my job. this was not due to disorderly conduct, nor did it have to do with job performance. for the first time in my life, what is happening in the american economy has directly impacted my life. it is no secret that the real estate industry is at an extremely low point. this affected real living, and the jobs of at least 15 people at our office - and our entire corporate marketing team.... including the vice president. and me.

i never dreamt that at age 22, after working at my first adult job in the real world for only five and a half months, i would be filing for unemployment. excited for that $110 directly deposited into my life each week. handing back car payments and rent payments to my parents, which they do not deserve to take care of for me.

after dealing with the situation, i began to sift out the silver lining: maybe this means that i will be able to get into what i've wanted to do for eight years - become a journalist.

i can't even secure a reporting or editing job in columbus, ohio. it's a competitive game, that's for sure. and it is all about who you know. i know i can write. i know i have talent. but unless some magical door is propped wide open for me, the dream cannot be realized.

so i'm looking for other jobs now. in marketing. a job that will be a curve on the way to what i "really want to do for a living." but i don't want to be one of those people who takes one of those jobs, stays there, and te next thing i know, wake up in my forties, watching people far younger than i actually doing what i'd really wanted to do for a living my entire life..... but just didn't get there.

i guess you could say i'm at another dark point in my life. surprise, surprise... it happens, you know, every few months for me.... at least every year. something significant happens in my life and just knocks me down. it's like i've climbed out from this pit, and as the sun shines on my face and the trumpets sound, somebody in a viking costume jumps out, lets out a bellowing roar and stomps on my hands, sending me plunging back down to the depths.

but i'm trying to keep myself occupied. give myself a reason to feel some worth for my life. i'm starting to volunteer at the local humane society, which i am overly excited to do. i've also made a goal to run a half marathon this spring, and am finishing up my first week of training. and this is something i'm actually very motivated to do. and as long as i hold on to that motivation, i think i can do it.

i really don't know how to finish this. i'm really not feeling as bleak as i sound. i am a little more drawn in, a little less social than i used to be. i don't really feel like going out or being around a lot of people ..... this could also just be winter, rearing its ugly head in my direction once again.

but i'll be fine. i'll perservere. i'll find a job and be back on my feet again.
that's what i've been told, at least.

For the past two days, I have been streaming Christmas music from 94.7 "Sunny 95" in my office at work. Before that, I played my very own Christmas playlist from my iTunes library, but I'm pretty sure my officemate doesn't appreciate hearing nearly 45 Christmas adaptations by Sufjan Stevens (my question is..... whhhaaaa? Still LOVE those albums). Anyway, it's put me in the holiday spirit. I love Christmas. Always have. Always will.... Sluts. It is, as some would say, the Most Wonderful Time of the Year... Except for my birthday. What makes it even more wonderful is all the delicious snow that has crested itself so wonderfully upon our state's capitol city. Next week, that snow will melt and everything will look all dreary and gross, but for now, I am loving it ("I'm lovin' it! McDonalds!" Bring back the McRib!).

If you, yourself, are not yet in the holidays spirit, here is something that may get you there:

My Christmas List (I heard a song on the radio the other day called "My Grownup Christmas List"...... BARFTASTIC)
In no particular order

- A Vehichle GPS System
   These are amazing tools. You enter in information on where you want to go, and it takes you there. I'm also pretty sure it drives for you, too. And will also pump your gas for a small fee. Yay technology!
- "Beverly Hills, 90210: The Complete First Season"
   When I was little, I was a good little Christian girl. Unlike some young, promiscuous elementary-school sluts, I did not sneak down to the basement or somewhere else whoreish to watch this show when it originally aired. I was too busy memorizing episodes of "Salute Your Shorts" or making my Barbies sleep in the same bed (what?). So, I didn't know the sheer awesomeness (see: badness) of this show until I stumbled upon it while watching SOAPNET over spring break last year (wwooo.... spring break at the Bernhards!!!!). Umm.... hello? Awesome '90s threads/high fives galore??? Also, I am convinced that Steve Sanders is the KING of sweet one-liners. Every episode he says something that just totally trumps anything he's said before. My personal favorite? Brandon (dreamboat) befriends a black kid from the wrong side of the tracks (shocking!), and wants him to perform a "rap" (i.e. a hip new "fad" in music) at The Peach Pit After Dark. Steve is a little leary of this young fellow and pleads Brandon not to let this "hot-tempered" lad in the club. He says, "When did you find him/ the corner of Crack and Eightball???" Pricless....
- "Beverly Hills, 90210: The Third Season"
See above.... and I already own Season Two.
- A Pomeranian
I know that the chances of my actually receiving a tiny little puffball Pommie pup are slim... but I really, really want one. I spend a lot of time looking at pictures of them online... and sometimes I get depressed because I don't own one. Sad? Yes. Also, have you ever seen a picture of a miniature bulldog?? Holy Moses, they are cute as the dickens. They also cost $3,000.
- Vera Bradley Purses
Fellas, if you're in a bind and can't figure out what to get your GF, WF (wife), SR (sister), FB (Think about it....), SND (Slut Next Door), or Grandma, ask yourself this question: Is she a girl? If the answer is "yes," your problem is solved! Vera Bradley is one every girl's list, whether they know it or not. My choices? The new 25th Anniversary clutch and also the Betsy Tote in Mod Floral Pink.
- Some Shit from Sephora
Sephora is a fun little makeup store that sells some designer makeup. It's fun. However, one thing I really wanted but left off my list was the NARS Orgasm blush/lipgloss set. I kept it off my list because I knew my Grandmom would see it and I didn't want her to read that word and this I was slutty.
- Chuck Klosterman, IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas
   I love Chuck Klosterman. He's almost as funny as I am and he knows only a tad bit less about pop culture than I, too. Last Christmas ("I gave you my heart/The very next day you gave it away"), I asked for Chuck Klosterman's Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, and I got it (I was good). I'm uh, still slowly making my way through it ("Kid Nation" has been way too exciting to focus my attention on anything else), but I like it very much. IV is more of the same thing: little funny observations about life and pop culture made by a nerd. My mom likes the idea of me reading, so I know I will get this.
- "Superbad"
   This may be the funniest movie of the year (I have yet to see "Juno," which promises to be a ltitle more quirky than funny, anyway). I have bought/received a movie in a long time, and this is one I'd like to watch on a rainy day.
- "Knocked Up"
   Yes, every frat boy across the country likes this movie, but the reason is that it is funny. It's got a lot of "boy humor" in it, but so do I.

That's about it. Not too awesome of a Christmas list, but that's all I could think of. I would like some things for my apartment, but i can pick those out and buy them myself sometime when I am not poor (read: never).

Ok, so I totally tricked out my post with a lot of links and I look like a major sellout, especially with the McDonalds one.... so I am going to balance this materialism by sayign that I am going to donate to either the Sierra Club or the World Wildlife Fund. I've become quite the tree-hugging green machine lately (just like everyone else, duh) and I figure it's my time to help. I really love animals and I'm still nto giving up on my dream to work at a zoo, so I figure giving a little to the WWF (Yeeeeaaaahhh, Brother!) is good. For some reason unbeknownst to him (he hates all living creatures), my officemate, Dan, received a WWF catalogue in the mail yesterday. He said it looked like something I would like and I agreed so he gave it to me. Inside, I marveled at the dozens of animals you could donate money to "adopt." If I wanted to, I could adopt a Great White Shark! I relished in the idea of keeping the wild beast in my tub, beside a wood-framed picture of him and me smiling just before we hopped on the plane away from his homeland and back to my place. Then I remembered Great Whites are JERKS. I'm not sure what animal I'm going to adopt yet, but whichever I pick, I get a cute little stuffed animal to remember him/her by! I might adopt the sea otter. Did you know the sea otter is on the endangered species list?? I didn't! But now I do. And so do you (teedle-dee-doo).

"Kevin, you're such a disease."

THIS IS GROSS

I like to think I'm a pretty classy girl. The nearest bartender or bathroom attendant on your block will maybe agree with me. I also like to think I am a connoisseur of Internet media. I enjoy watching the latest viral video so I can stay up-to-date on my pop culture awesometude.

I'd been denying it for weeks, but I succumbed to my curiosities (they killed something, once) last night and visited 2girlsonecup.com. And what I saw was.... nothing! It doesn't exist. It is apparently so crude that they (the man) had to take it down. It is apparently so disgusting that just the reactions people make while watching have become a ridiculous Web phenomenon that some people can't get enough of (probably because they like watching people puke?).

I visited several Web sites promising to have the video, and on every one people left comments, no, pleads, for people to stay away from the video. It's too gross. It's to vile. It's too disturbing and you'll be haunted by visions the rest of your days. I wasn't satisfied. I had to see what the hubbub was.

After some very meticulous searching, I finally found the video (it's really, really hard to find it online). As it began to load, I found myself shaking with anxiety over what I was about to witness. I also hoped to God it wasn't one of those sites where you click on pictures of kittens and then suddenly the Exorcist girl pops up out of nowhere. (Side note... My 11th grade English teacher never let us use the word "suddenly".... At least I think it was him?)

And then, I saw it. I did not puke. But I did gasp in horror and I did gag a couple of times. I kept trying to tell myself they were just chewing on ice cream, but I don't think it was ice cream. Unless poop is ice cream. Then, yes, it was ice cream.

One of the most disgusting things I have ever seen. Don't ask me where I found the link because it is now long gone, lost somewhere in the darkness of the World Wide Web. But, it's gross. Why this was ever filmed, and why seriously disturbed people like myself scour the Internet for such smut is beyond me (obviously). Anyway, that being said... try to find it for yourself. It's a wonder.... You can't stop looking at it. I saw one hilarious reaction video of a kid who was watching it and kept creeping backing further and further away from the screen in horror (in between about puking on the floor every three seconds), but he kept looking back. he nearly made it outside his door before the video ended.

It's three minutes of absolute heathenry.... but if you want to be part of a cool YouTube insiders clique... you can't pass it up.

In much better news...

is back!!!
Ok, ok..... so I know everyone and their gynecologist knows this news... but still... I mean, score!!! I loved this show when I was little and now it is BACK. It's been said that Muhammad Ali's daughter, Leila, will host. It's been more recently said that soon-to-be divorcee Hulk Hogan (Terry Bollea) will host. Who will it be? I don't care.... but what I do care about is some ridiculously-muscled character fighting with nerf sticks on pedestals.

You know, I’ve always been a music girl. I like to think I’m on the cutting edge of what’s hip (even though it’s not supposed to be) in music. In my high school and early college days, I wouldn’t listen to the radio. It was either the CDs I bought, the CDs I made and, eventually, my iPod or it was the highway, baby. But I must confess, for the past few years, I find myself giving into my oh-so-guilty pleasure: Top 40 radio.

So, you could imagine my surprise when I was driving through Springfield yesterday to pick up my new car’s license plates from my parents when I tuned into 92.9 Z-93 and was not bombasted by a JTim, Fergie, Timbaland or Britney hit.

The new 93 “Fly” is fucking reTAHded. Honestly, Dayton already has a few “mix” stations. 94.5 KISSFM (remember when it was scooped up by ClearChannel and changed names?) was Z-93’s closest cousin, but it plays a little more rap and R&B.... not sugary enough for me.

So, I know I don’t live within the station’s airwaves anymore, but honestly, I am LIVID. I grew up listening to Z-93. It was actually pretty up-to-date with the latest hits in pop music, as I’ve discovered even our state’s capital is a little sluggish when compared to the former Z-93. I have fond memories of listening to Z-93 when swimming in my friend Brandy’s pool or getting carted around by one of our parents to a haunted house/ insert any fun activity you do when you’re younger. I remember listening to Ron Garribeddean’s (?) open house party cranked up in my living room while my parents were out on a weekend night (hey, I was 9…. What else was I supposed to do?). Granted, that’s a national program, but it still lived in Z-93 land, and that was fine with me. (Side note: Once, I actually called in and requested Celine Dion’s “All By Myself”….. loser)

Fry Guy pretty much had the most annoying voice ever (Caller: “Is it a slinky?” Fry Guy: “NNNaaaaaoooowwww!”), but he was a regular fixture on the station for what seemed like my entire life. Now he's out on the streets.

I am seriously so mad about this switch. My iPod doesn’t work well when I’m driving through Dayton, and I haven’t bought a CD since like, 2004, so I feel like there’s nothing to listen to! Thank God for the new 94.9, which plays a usually pretty stellar mix of alternative rock songs of the early-mid 90’s – I think… I’ve only listened to it a few times, and what I heard, I liked). And one time, I heard some faint station come in while my iPod was on pause (this was like around 89.1 I think) that was playing KILLER indie music, but I think it may have been some kid fiddling around with radio waves and his iPod. But, sometimes I want my freaking Top 40 hits, y’all. It’s a guilty pleasure I can find myself happily bouncing around to and feeling like an uber dork…. And sometimes we need that. Sometimes I need a little step away from serious, layered and lyrically-good music…. Sometimes I just need some pop in my life. Besides, as a pop culture guru (I’ve been thinking of reformatting this blog to be all about pop culture news), I need to be up to date on all facets of celebrity culture… including their music.

Anyway, this was my geeky rant for the day. I’m pretty sure Z-93 had good ratings…. We’ll just see how to dumb Fly rates and maybe…. Just MAYBE….. they’ll switch it back????

The f ollowing is a review of Britney Spears' new album, "Blackout" (which "dropped" on Tuesday) given by my brother, Rob, over AIM:

sweet marie 485 (11:05:08 AM): i guarantee the more you listen, the more you like the songs... continue giving me the play by play while i'm gone, but i have a meeting to attend now.... so, bye bye!

robertcat8675309 (11:42:46 AM): you def. should give it a listen though

So there it is, folks... Britney Spears' "Blackout." I actually read reviews that said it was "Britney's best album ever" and that it's not too late for a Brit Brit comeback. I'm crossing my fingers for this, but I'm not too positive about her situation right now. I used to love Brit Brit back in the day. I have no idea why, but I just liked her. I was Britney for Halloween my freshman year of college and I would have been "Britney Spears' downward spiral" this year if I hadn't been too hungover to go to my Halloween party on Saturday. I'll give it a try. I like catchy songs and you have to admit, Britney has mastered those as a crutch to her minimal singing talent.

I thought this was funny, though, and wanted to share it with the two people that actually still read this.

According to the new livejournal counting system, it's been 11 weeks since my last post (i feel as though i'm at a confession). a few things have been going on.

i've been working/living in columbus since july. i really like my job and my coworkers and my life.
i lived in the ghetto in reynoldsburg until august. i hated living there and was so happy to get out.
then i subleased an apartment on OSU's campus and it was okay. weird living in an apartment with somebody else's stuff.

three weeks ago i moved into an apartment community called the quarry. it's in the marble cliff/grandview/upperarlington area and i love it. it's a huge step above every other place i've lived. it's beautiful, and nice and awesome. i found my roommate online (it was too expensive to live alone) and she is super nice. she's an OU grad, a few years older than me, but we get along great.

the real reason i'm posting is to try to sort out my thoughts.

yesterday i was in a car accident on I-71S in columbus. i was on my way to go shopping and was going around the curve, lost control of my car and smashed into the lefthand cement median. my car swung around and smashed somewhere again, then swung around again and the back end smashed into the lefthand median again. it was the most terrifying thing that happened in my life.
after my car had stopped, i noticed it was smoking. my car door wouldn't opened and i wasn't sure i'd be able to get out. i was screaming and just kicked open the door and it finally creaked open. i ran out from the car and looked over myself to see if i was ok. because when i looked at my car, i knew there had to be somethign wrong with me.

miraculously i was ok.

a lady stopped and said she'd seen everything. she said it looked so horrible she had to turn back around and help. i don't know how it happened, but out of some miracle, no other cars on the highway managed to hit me. if they would have, i wouldn't have been here to write this.

my car is 100% totaled. the front is completely smash in and the back isn't much better. how i walked away from that accident with nothing but a cut on my foot, some chest and neck injuries and a sore shoulder, i do not know. i haven't even been to the hospital yet (but i'm going in about an hour).

the lady who stopped and stayed with me until my mom came (thankfully, she's in columbus for a convention until tuesday) looked at my car and said, "you are so lucky... you definitely have an angel looking after you."

and i do. i know i do.

but a couple hours later, after the shock subsided and after i was able to think a litle clearly, i couldn't handle it. why was i spared? why are things so unfair sometimes?? wonderful, beautiful people like my cousin missy and lindsey donadio weren't lucky like i was. they weren't able to go home hours after their accidents. i was so upset and actually a little ashamed that i had survived and they hadn't.

every time i've talked to my parents since yesterday they've started crying. they say i have a second chance. they say God must have a purpose for me to keep me on this earth. i don't know if there is a plan, but i know someone was watching out for me yesterday. there is no way i should have survived that crash. it's remarkable that no one else hit me, or that my car slid off to the side of the freeway at the end of the crash.

but i'm still wrestling with how unfair this is. i'm no more of (and probably less of) a person than missy or lindsey. i think about how much worse things could've been. how my last seconds on earth could have been just driving along, thinking about what i'd buy while i was shopping. it terrifies me.

i've been imagining the accident over the last 26 hours and i've been picturing missy coming down and pushing my car away from the traffic. i don't understand how i'm still here today. why one extra little flip or smash didn't happen. why there were no ambulances. why i was able to go home and eat a nice meal later on that evening.

it doesn't make sense to me.
and i know it never will.

this post is dedicated to my buddy, aaron benanzer, because i always promise him i will update my journal but then i never do. here's to you, nanzer.

ok, so there's really no reason for my lack of updates... other than the fact that i have no life.
i moved to columbus after graduation.... well, a week before graduation, then i got bored and went back to athens for about three days.... then i graduated, then i went to cabo san lucas, mexico with 9 of my dear friends and my friend's parents, then i came back and here i am.
actually, i live in reynoldsburg, which, i have discovered, is pretty ghetto and somewhat more dangerous than i would like it to be and i am excited to move in august, when my sub leasing ends.

i was turned down for the cityscene magazine job for someone with three years more experience. the people there said they loved me and they wished they could hire us both, but i have no experience and i'm borderline retarded and they just can't deal with that. so.... there's that.

so i had a brief mental breakdown and sought refuge in greenville, ohio for a bit and my parents agreed to help me out, financially, for the summer so i could live in columbus an look for a job... which i've been doing.

after i returned home from cabo i started interviewing with real living, inc., which is a national real estate company. i'm being considered for the communications coordinator position. it's not my ideal kind of writing, but it's a job and i really like everyone i've met there and the office is so nice. i think i'd get along great with everyone there, and i know i could do the job.
so, yeah, i had the interview on the 18th of june. today is the 11th of july and they still have not made a decision. they said they'd know last week, but when i called, the guy i've been interviewing with said that finance was taking a while to get things straightened out and they'd let me know sometime this week, but that i was still "very much in the running." they seemed like they really liked me there, and my final interview was over two and a half hours long, so we'll see what happens. i really need a job. like.... really.

currently i am bored out of my mind and i have very limited funds. i watch a lot of VH-1 every day and sometimes i play online pop culture trivia games, which is always fun, but very pathetic. i go out with my friends who live here occasionally and that is always a good time, but it just sucks living about 15 minutes from downtown/campus and having to crash at someone else's place all the time... that someone usually being my very gracious friend, lance, who lets me pass out on his ex-roommate's mattress that was left when he moved out.

i am no longer in a relationship and i'm having a very confusing time dealing with that. it's funny, you can be single for 21 years and be completely fine with that, but after just eight months in a relationship, it's hard to learn how to be single again. i still haven't learned how to do that and i'm not sure if i want to. it's big, judgmental, competitive, ruthless world out there, and being in the cocoon of a warm, fuzzy, comfortable relationship is so much more, well, comfortable. plus, it's hard to get noticed when you live in a city that seems to be filled with undiscovered models.

so, that's my life. it's not really much. uneventful. unfruitful. un-anything. once i get a job i'm sure i'll feel better, and also when i move. the shock of leaving college hit me immediately. especially when you're used to being surrounded by your friends at all hours of the day, and then moving in to an apartment alone, when you don't see someone your own age for days at a time.

i'll figure things out.
i hope.

danny tanner taught me (and stephanie) that little trick once.

*triumphant music*

well, i went to my interview on thursday. i arrived exactly fifty-five minutes early. i wasn't really worried or nervous until about fifteen minutes before it was supposed to begin. then the palms started clamming.

turns out, there was nothing to be nervous about. i knocked this one out of the proverbial park, my friends. i went in there and presented myself professionally yet approachable. i was eloquent, yet laid back. i even surprised myself.

they asked me a bunch of questions about my resume and some of my work experience and i gave them stellar answers. i then busted out my portfolio of everything i've done the past three and a half years and they were very impressed. they said they couldn't believe mine was a portfolio of a recent graduate. i had design and page layout samples, writing samples, editing samples.... everything. they really seemed to like me. i was the first person they interviewed for the job, and they said out of everyone, they'd call back two or three for a second interview. the already guaranteed me the second interview. i am pumped. i have all of this self doubt i carry around on my shoulders. i've always had this sort of hesitation to believe in myself. every once in a while something good will happen, though. someone will believe in me and then i get this resurgence of my confidence. this is just what i needed.

so i'll be learning when my second interview is sometime this week. then i'm going in to talk with the CEO, who will be asking me more straight, hard-nosed questions (this is what the two who interviewed me let me in on). i'm excited. and i hope this happens for me. i still want to hear from abercrombie, though

in other awesome news, my favorite female comedienne and one of the small handful of funny girls on the planet, chelsea handler, visited my school on saturday and i went and saw her stand up. it was the best five bucks i've ever spent. she was an absolute riot. completely offensive, completely boisterous, completely awesome. i laughed for an entire one and a half hours straight (the opening comedienne was good, too). i couldn't believe she was coming to OU. what are the odds?! so that was good.

i have a really weird feeling right now. that's why i wrote really strangely in this post.

Beyond the universe's wildest plans and expectations for one Miss Rachel M. Bernhard, a certain flaw in the system has allowed for her first step into adulthood.

She got a dang interview.

Yes, folks, her first real, adult, honest-to-goodness, job-havin' interview. It is with CityScene Magazine, located in Columbus, Ohio, and it takes place Thursday, May 3, at 10 a.m.

CityScene magazine is an arts, entertainment and style magazine, focusing on the hot happenings in Columbus, Ohio's great capital city!

I was downtrodden by the utter lack of open magazine opportunities in the greater Columbus area, so, after having applied to a bunch of jobs I didn't really care about, I just sent my resume to publications that had no openings available at the time, hoping they'd keep mine on file. Sure enough, this afternoon, as nice lady named Alicia called me and informed me that an editorial position had opened up and I was the first person contaced. Ooh-la-la! There will be other interviewees, but I will do my best to wow the people at the magazine with my wit, charm and brilliance.... even if I have to fake them all.

I am 100% terrified. This is my first real-life adult interview and I'm afraid my stutter will devour me completely before my potential bosses. I think I am a reasonably likeable person, but I have no idea how to sell myself. What makes me the most qualified individual? Uh.... I like.... stuff. I know I have a decently impressive resume, and I am going to put together a kick ass porfolio and a data CD of all the digital design projects I've done, as well as some writing samples. I bought a nice little (expensive) suit about a month ago, and I'll actually be able to put it into good use. Though I may puke on it in the process. But how do I make these people fall in love with me? How do I make them, after I walk out of the room, force their jaws to unhinge and their eyes to sparkle, with those little throbbing hearts encircling their heads? It happens, I know.

Even if I don't get the job, it will be good interviewing experience in the future. However, it seems like a great fit for me, as it is an arts, entertainment and style magazine, located in Columbus, and I love arts, entertainment and style and I want to move to Columbus.

Another job I've applied to and am really excited about is a copy writing position at the Abercrombie & Fitch headquarters, also in Columbus. Here is what the job is all about:
Responsibilities include:

A lot of 17 year olds have people they look up to, aspire to be, admire or just think are pretty damn cool.
For many, this person will be a movie star, sports star or pop/rock icon. Some kids will lie (although sweetly) and mention their parents or their grandparents. A few will mention Jesus and maybe one future douche (when you're 17, you've got about two to three solid years to prove this status) will mention some mega business man or something. But few will choose a 79-year-old author.

I was one of those few.

I introduced myself to Kurt Vonnegut as a junior in high school. I say "introduced myself" because I have no idea what made me choose to pick up his work other than my own curiosity. I chose him and he chose me.
The first work I read was undoubtedly his most well-known book, The Slaughterhouse-Five. This was a nice introduction to KV, and I instantly fell in love.

I'm not sure what really intrigued me so about the book or the author, himself. He was witty and sardonic and intelligent and completely out there. His writing style was simplistic and easy to follow, but you felt smarter after reading him. There were wild, sketchy drawings on scattered pages. I related a lot to Vonnegut. He loved black humor. He regularly pointed out human stupidity - even his own. He was a Mid Western child. Perhaps what I liked (and identified) most about him can be summed up in a quote I recently read in his obituary on cnn.com: "I will say anything to be funny, often in the most horrible situations."

He really was my hero.

So when I heard the news, of course I held this uneasy feeling. But it wasn't the uneasy feeling I had when I heard Elliott Smith had allegedly killed himself. Elliott Smith was basically at the prime of his career. he had a lot to do and much time to do it in. It was tragic. Nothing about Kurt Vonnegut's death was tragic.

He often marveled at his life and how he managed to live so long. He was a lifelong smoker and made no excuses for it. He lived through WWII and a failed suicide attempt. He poked fun at all these things, but went on through it. After A Man Without a Country, KV said he was done. He was finished. He had nothing else to write. Vonnegut was a tired man, 84, with a rough and tumbly past sparkled with some fantastic works of fiction. He didn't choose to go, he just went. And it was his time.

But what a time to go! Indianapolis dedicated 2007 as the year of Kurt Vonnegut. He was to speak at Butler University on April 27 and as soon as I heard the news (my mom clipped an article from the newspaper and sent it to me through the mail), I was set to go. This was a chance to see my hero live and in action. Speaking eloquent bits of easy prose. I wanted to shake hand.
But things don't always turn out the way you want them to. Sometimes your hero dies 16 days before you were supposed to see him.

the ironic thing is, I often checked the headlines, looking with the only intention of seeing whether my hero had kicked the bucket yet. I didn't want to see it, but I wanted to know. I, like KV, himself, marveled at the length of his existence. I thought that maybe he was invincible.
It turned out he wasn't.

But he still remains my hero. And although I am sad about his passing, I'm not shocked. I'm not thrown back. I'm just a little sad to see him go. Because even if he was done writing what I see as the most perfect writing I could ever dream to write myself, he was still everything I wanted (and still want) to be. And losing a hero is kind of like losing a part of yourself.

five pages into chuck klosterman's sex, drugs and cocoa puffs, i'm already convinced i've found my new best friend. this guy is a pop culture phenomenon and really knows how to drop an f-bomb or two.

so far, he's explained that the majority of women in their 20s and 30s love john cusack (true). but they don't know that they don't really love john cusack, they love lloyd dobler (very true). they envision "johnny c" as lloyd dobler off set, and they fantasize that they are ione skye and that one day, they'll look out from their bedroom window and see him standing in her front yard with a boom box blasting peter gabriel above his head. and all of this makes sense and all of this is true because girls base relationships off of fake relationships. they want chandler and monica, cliff and claire, ryan and reese (because, let's be honest, sometimes girls love the attention of being the victim. and they love how strong they think they feel after dumping someone). i mean, honestly, jessica simpson decided she wanted to divorce nick lachey after watching "the notebook" on a cross-country flight. girls are completely irrational.

he's also pointed out that the sole reason goofy-looking, awkward guys get the chance to bang hot chicks is woody allen. dear god, it's utterly true. woody allen porks hot babes in every one of his movies while still maintaining his overwhelming neuroticism and gigantic specs. girls don't even like woody allen films, or probably don't know who he is, but they unknowingly owe their willingness to dip into the farm leagues to him. there's just no denying it.

this guy is a genius and i've only reached the first five pages. i had to share his complete awesomeness before continuing onward because i'm that excited about this book.

score.

on friday, i took my very last final as a student at ohio university. possibly my very last final ever. but who really know what lies ahead for me in my future.

my last finals week was a stressful one, as my history and espionage class turned out to be something completely different from what i thought it would be, and i ended up having to teach myself five weeks worth of information in about three days. i was convinced i would fail this final. and seeing as how the class only had 200 points, i was sure i would fail the class. which meant that i would not be able to graduate this quarter. which meant i would have to take a class in the spring. which meant wasting a lot of money.
on wednesday and thursday, i spent a combined total of 14.5 hours at the library... not counting the studying i'd done at home. when i come home from the library thursday night, twelve hours before my final, i had been lock out and suffered a minor mental meltdown. the next morning, i bought my blue book for 37 cents and walked to bentley hall in the drizzling rain. i was pleasantly surprised when the three essay questions (out of the nine we had to prepare for, only three appeared on the test. and one could be for bonus. yeah, what a dick move.) on the test were three of the essays i felt most comfortable writing about. after i turned my blue book in, nine pages filled with my scribbling, and smiled at my professor/actual CIA agent, i felt confident that, yes, i had passed and, yes, maybe i had gotten a B. it was then that i knew i was done with OU. (and now when i know i'm a poet)

so that's it. that's three and three-quarters years of collegiate studies under my belt and sixteen and three-quarters years of schooling. and it's oll over. no more pencils, no more books and whatever. it's done.

it hasn't really sunken in yet. i don't know if i really should be able to graduate, because i don't know if "sunken in" is in the right usage in this context. is it only an adjective, never a verb? thanks a lot, bachelor's degree.
maybe when i head back to school next week and don't go to classes i'll feel it. maybe when i see others studying or carrying backpacks, i'll realize that i'm done, and that cycle is over. but it's easier to just live in denial.

on my drive home, right after my final, my mind was still a huge fuzzball. maybe one of those little pink or green pom poms you used in arts and crafts in kindergarten. you know, because i don't want to be just a white, regular cotton ball. a pom pom is more fun. but that's what i was.
i don't pay attention to the exits or the milemarkers as i make the drive from athens to greenville, and vice versa. i've driven it so many time, it's like i'm on auto pilot. i could close my eyes and get there fine. you know, if it wasn't for the whole not being able to see deal. so you could imagine my dismay when, somewhere between columbus and springfield, or springfield and dayton (i honestly didn't know) my car began the all-familiar putt-putt-putt sound, and quit accelerating. putt putt putt. "oh, fuck." putt putt putt. "damn it." this had happened to me before.
so i tried my best to pull my car over to the shoulder and immediately burst into tears of frustration. i dialed up my mom and in between sobs managed to squeak out, "i ran out of gas on 70," and the cherry just got a little sweeter, a little more obtrusive on top of the rest of the bitter cake that was the previous week.... really the whole previous ten weeks.
anyway, i called up AAA and told them i didn't know where i was. they told me they couldn't help me if i didn't know where i was, so i cried out in desperation, "so what am i supposed to do?!?!" a state trooper pulled over in front of me and asked me what was wrong. my eyes were red and swollen and i looked like a mental patient on the run (my back seat was filled with shit i was bringing home for spring break). he told me where i was and asked if i was sure that was the only thing that was wrong. i assured him it was, and he didn't look like he bought it. he told me to call if i had any other problems, and i thanked him as he left. fifteen minutes later, AAA sent a very nice man out to me with two gallons of gas and a very kind smile.

the first thing i did to celebrate my college graduation was crack open a non-mandatory book. rob sheffield's love is a mix tape. this book has been waiting for me ever since i bought it in a package deal on amazon along with chuck klosterman's sex, drugs and cocoa puffs. now that i have time to read and think about what i actually want to read and think about, i'm doing it.
rob sheffield is a contributing editor to rolling stone magazine, the publication i one dreamed of writing for but since have changed my mind. he's good, though. it's his real-life account of some of the mix tapes he's made throughout his life and how a mutual love of music brought him and his first wife, renee, together. he wrote about the mix tapes he made for her and how they met and how they fell in love and, eventually, how she died suddenly, after five years of marriage, from a pulmonary embolism. i've read three-fourths of the book the past two days and it reminds me of a lot of things. it reminds me of "high fidelity" in the worst way. and also the best way (because, seriously, what a good movie - wish i'd read the book). it reminds me of a bunch of boys i used to hang out with at shows i went to while in high school. it reminds me of the kind of girl i hoped they thought i was and the kind of girl i hope i'll be to someone someday. it's a really funny, sweet, sincere book. it actually made me cry. i mean, like, sobbing for ten minutes straight, tears streaming down my face. i had to take my glasses off; they were getting in the way of the waterworks spouting from my dumb, crybaby eyes.
a book has never made me cry.
i've always found words to be amazing. how you can shove them against one another and create something that can be so beautiful or so grotesque, but it's whichever you choose. even if you don't mean them to have that affect at all. rob sheffield really puts his words together nicely. you can tell, with his writing, how crazy he was about this girl. how uncomfortable and how completely comfortable he was around her. it's the perfect book for a girl who loves both "the notebook" and pavement. or watching "the notebook" while listening to pavement. or thinking about pavement being in "the notebook." (i don't think it would work)
and i don't want to limit it to just girls. i think guys would like this too. it's funny and touching and eloquent and simple. plus, if you gave it to a music chick as a gift, she'd totally let you touch her boob. maybe both.

so i'm having fun with that.

other than that, i don't really have anything else going on for spring break. i kind of just want to lay low. not do much. not go out much. get my thoughts in line and live on a very non schedule. it's going to be great.

that's all i have to say, now. hopefully i'll be able to update more, with all this free time.

p.s. if i was ever a member of the GHS choir, i would sing this song at Choir-o-rama. and not the dixie chicks version. the original patty girffin version. that's one cool bitch. it's a really sad song. but it's also very liberating.
plus, i think i sound really good singing it in my car.

i have four more days of classes in my life.

two classes of media ethics
two classes of gender roles in global media
four classes of espionage in history.

wa-wa-we-wa.

for the first time in my college career, i am ready to graduate. maybe i'm just annoyed with classes, maybe it's the fact that i hate winter quarter and maybe i'm just tired of doing the same thing, weekday to weekday, weekend to weekend.
i need something else.

i'm really, really looking forward to spring quarter, though. no classes. working. partying. working out again!!!
it's going to be such a ridiculously fun time. the month of may REALLY starts it. mom's weekend. palmerfest (which i never really got that into, anyway). four fest. hilton head for memorial day weekend. two weeks later (and two days after graduation), a week in cabo.
holy fun time!!!

but for now, i'm just kind of.... ready. i'm ready to figure out where the hell i'm going to be come mid-june. will i be at home? will i be in ohio? will i be alone? i just wish i had a plan or a certainty.
i wish i was moving to columbus.

so while my final quarter as a student at OU is winding down, i'm somehwat freaking out, but not really. i've kind of adopted this attitude where i don't freak out until the very last second for anything. if i don't think about it, it's not happening, it's not going to happen. and then when it finally does, i either get frustrated, upset, or even more apathetic.

but i have been looking for jobs. i've applied to some in ohio and some abroad (mostly in new york). i don't really want to go to new york anymore. i'm scared. i don't want to be all alone in a city so big. but it might just happen. who knows?

i've never had a more uncertain future in my life. in september of my senior year of high school, i knew i was coming to OU. i've exhausted every "next step" i can (besides grad school.... but i don't even need to go to grad school right now). so i am forced to face the world a real adult... something i feel i am far from being or even becoming. or even want to become.

so here i am. two weeks from graduating college and still with the same insecurities i've always had. still unsure of how to become an adult. still not knowing if what i've chosen to do is what i want to do.

woe is me.
but i promise, i'm not in my dark place anymore.

my hero, kurt vonnegut, used the phrase "so it goes" a number of times in his classic work the slaughterhouse-five.
myself, rachel bernhard, have used the phrase "so it goes" a number of times in my classic life.

and so it goes.

i used this phrase from time to time because there are some circumstances in life you cannot change and you cannot try to. car breaks down? so it goes. lose all your work when your computer crashes? so it goes. your father gets trampled by a thundering stampede of wildebeests and your evil uncle casts the stone on you? so it goes. oh, wait. i think that's hakunah matatah.

i've been faced with more than a few adversities in my life; some of them this little phrase can be attributed and some can't.

but when something monumental happens to you, when you invest everything in yourself in something and it all comes crashing down, "so it goes" does not apply. there aren't words that apply. because when you get this horrible squeezing feeling in your stomach and your throat and it harbors there every second of every day, you can't (and no one else can) say anything to make that go away.
especially "so it goes."

i was recently very hurt by someone i never thought in my life would hurt me. i was decepted, and through this deception, i felt like a fool.
you know the feeling when you've been in a dark room all night and someone barges in and slams the lights on and screeches "WAKE UP!"?
it applies to more than just being woken up in the morning.
it's like i can't open my eyes to the situation. i try to shut it out but it keeps screaming at me. every second of every day. and all i want to do is shut the lights off again, but once i'm out of bed, i'm up. i'm awake.

there are certain lyrics in songs you never really pay attention to until you're looking for them to reflect your current situation. and then it seems like every song you come across is speaking straight, directly at you. you wonder, "how does the world know?" but somehow it does and you bury yourself in a deep hollow with these feelings and these lyrics and you want this person to listen to every single song that has been tugging at you since you felt you were wronged.
i've come up with a collection of songs that have been constantly replaying in my mind and in my ipod. why do people listen to sad music when they're sad? it seems like all you want to do when you're down is grovel in your dejection instead of trying to cheer yourself up (or let anyone else do so).
that's all i've been doing. in the busiest week of the quarter and the hardest part of the year for me, i've fallen into this trench of complete sadness. i am incredibly sad.

i don't know how i'll get out of this rut. the only real way i think i can, i know i shouldn't. i've got this discipline about myself i've never seen before. i can't give in just now, because i can't condone what happened. i need to have a sense of control over myself because, if i cave, i'm only making myself look more foolish.

i'm very easy to forgive others. this is a trait i've acquired from my parents who, through this whole ordeal, have told me that holding out on forgiveness just makes the dark cloud darker. and i know, in time, i can forgive. i just need to let the sting subside. and though i know it will weaken, i'm always going to remember the pain.

because people may say time heals all wounds, but these wounds still leave scars behind.

i really enjoyed using the phrase "2k6" last year.

i don't think i referred to 2006 as 2006 but twice the entire 365 days. i'm going to miss 2k6, because 2k7 just sounds lame.

2k6 was one of the best years since the k began. actually, probably THE best. i did some cool things and i hung out with some cool people. i went to myrtle beach with my fam for two weeks. i got tan and i got awesome.
i gained a lot of weight, but am not really freaking out about it. i think this is good/bad. it's good, because i used to be overly obsessive about working out, to the point where i would work out through mass pain because if i didn't burn the proper amount of calories that day, i swore i was going to die. it is bad because i have become uber lazy, bigger, softer and less attractive. also, i have no motivation for anything.
in 2k6, i actually took some steps into the betterment of my resume. i was an associate editor for southeast ohio magazine, i wrote a couple articles for the post, and contributed to the ohio journalist alumni newsletter.
in 2k6, three of my very best friends in the whole wide world got betrothed to awesome people. first, my longtime friend, sarah, got engaged to her longtime bf, sutter. four months later, i was completely thrown off as matthew l. cross told me of his engagement after i had picked him up from the airport on august sunday afternoon. finally, a three days before christmas, my very good friend and roommate of three years, cassidy danielle hayes, was asked by fellow greenvillian daniel helman to be his wife. so, in 2008, i have at least three weddings to attend, and one to participate in, for sure.

WA WA WEE WA!

i traveled up to milwaukee to visit my bro-ham, and had a great time there, taking in to reds/brewers games and soaking up the great city. i also traveled over to madison and saw the adorable rhett miller play some smashing tunes... without the old 97's.

i tricked a fellow into a courtship and then into a relatonship, which is still going strong. somehow, someway, he finds my retarded antics endearing, and even sometimes laughs at my jokes, which, until then, i feared were being lost on all of humanity as the days went on.

yes, 2k6 was a good year. many more good things happened within the year, but my memory is a bit foggy and it's about time to leave work.

2k7 is definitely going to be the most definitive year of my entire life. i graduate in march, leave athens in june and am off to the world of adulthood, responsibility and a full-time career..... that is, if any employr will have me.

where will i end up and who will i be?
that question remains unanswered. but rest assured, i'll still probably be as much of a loser as always, and will give the occasional update as the venture into my retarded life continues.

and i have been for.... oh.... 21 years. especially these last three and a half.

i don't know what i'm going to do or what i want to do. i don't know where i'll end up. it seems as though fleeing to new york or chicago seems more and more unpractical, illogical and will ultimately mess up some things i have going for me.

last night i hung out with most of my very best friends in the entire world. we went to cassie's house and hung out in her newly remodeled basement that has a sweet movie theater/other awesome things. it was pretty low-key, but also pretty awesome.

i take many of my friends for granted. i don't keep in contact enough when i'm at school. i probably talk to these best friends of mine twice, maybe three times a quarter. when i'm home, we hang out nearly every day, but i feel like now that we'll be moving on and moving out, i don't want to lose touch.

i've even lost touch with some friends at OU this past year. it's sad. sometimes i'll think about friends i was so close with a couple years ago and i think "oh, i miss this person so much. i wonder what they're up to?", only to realize that yes, they still, in fact, go to the same school as i, and that they're at most, a ten-minute walk away.

it makes me sick to think about that. it makes me sad to think that i've become one of those people that says "yeah! let's hang out tonight!" only to forget to call in all the hubbub of the everyday average evening.

well, hi.

in a hiatus that lasted an overexpected three months, i've decided to post.

largely, this is in part because my roommates have all left and gone home to their respective places (greenville/cleveland), and i have been left all alone to hold up 92C until sunday. i'm bored. that's that.

so pretty much, my last fall quarter ever went really well. i did a pretty good job in all my classes, and really enjoyed being an associate editor for southeast ohio magazine. i also got an opportunity to create a PR media guide for the southeast ohio copperheads baseball team, so i'll be pursuing that task beginning winter quarter and going into the spring. it's welcome work, because it's going to spruce up my resume, which i feel is completely necessary right now as i am freaking out about the future/finding some kind of job in journalism/PR.

i've been sticking around athens for the month of december in order to avoid another horribly depressing stint in the inevitable third shift at GTI. so i've been working at courtside pizza and bar, home of the best pizza in athens, in my opinion. i really like this job; it's easy, the time goes by fast and i work with a lot of my friends, which rules to the max, for sure.

also, this quarter, i've beaten the odds and managed to dupe some guy into dating me. his name is tyler . we've been together for a couple months, and i'm really happy. but, treating it like a celebrity couple (don't even get me started on all my celebre-gossip of this fall), i'm not going to delve into it extensively. he's met the 'rents, and they approve. just know that it's good and i'm happy.

i'll be returning to greenville on monday, spending a couple weeks there, then bouncing up to cleveland to ring in the new year with my friends from school. it should be a deliciously good time, guarenteed.

i'm looking forward to coming home. though we set up a little tree here, in our apartment, it just doesn't feel like christmas unless i'm at home with my family and the big, schizophrenic tree and all the baked shit my mom concocts throughout the holiday season. i love christmas, and i love coming home for christmas. i love catching up with friends... which reminds me of the supremely sweet night before thanksgiving that a TON of us took over upstairs at sportzters as the VIP section and i got to talk to a bunch of people i hadn't seen in a while. no matter how long you've been away or haven't talked to people, there's something about greenville kids that makes that awkward "what are we supposed to talk about now?" feeling nonexistant. i always have fun with the greenville crowd, even if we're just sitting around watching tv or playing a board game. and i like that.

so that's that. hopefully i won't be stranger in the sense that i have been for the past few months. i don't know if anyone even reads this anymore, or if they've given up all hope on me, but if so, ah well. i don't have all that much to offer anyone, anyway.

happy holidays!:)

it has been quite a while, indeed.

this is largely due to the fact that i have not have a stable and continuous internet connection in the near-three weeks since i've been back to the heavenly retreat that is ohio university.
my lovely, lovely internet finds it amusing to connect me for about five minutes and then disconnect me. i have to manually reconnect every time, and most times i have to re-type my network key to get it to work. it's a ridiculous hassle and i'd rather not put up with it. i may take it to the HDL center tomorrow to see if they can work their technological magic on it.... but we'll see how that goes.

so, basically, my first couple weeks of senior year have been absolutely amazing. my first week back was probably one of the most fun i've have in my entire life. i went out an unprecedented eight nights in a row, full force, mostly with my wingman and half-celebrity couple, lauren. we wowed athens with our amazing ability to spray paris hilton quotes around the majority of the athens bars, and also impressed many with the violent pounding of our respective livers - which, surprisingly, and for the moment, are still in tact.

i had a killer time, but was ready for a set routine and schedule in my life for the first time since the end of may.
classes began and i like all of them. i spent one afternoon in my media ethics class and realized that, when combined with the rest of my schedule, simply would not fit. so i dropped the shit out of that class.
so now, the lineup is electronic publishing (A-), american history 1865-present (A), american history in the 1960s (A+) and magazine practice (A+).

what is absolutely sweet is that my magazine practice class qualifies as an internship. the people taking the class become the staff of southeast ohio magazine, from the editors to the photographers to the writers, to the designers to the producers. its all self-run by magazine journalism seniors. that equals me. the first couple of days, we got acquainted with one another; we applied for the positions we wanted, we wrote an turned in a writing sample to see who is qualified for writing and all that jazz.
i learned two days ago that, out of a class of 20-some students, i was one of four chosen to be an associate editor! i was pumped beyond belief. the editor-in-chief (clay) and the managing editor (alex) said that they chose the associate editors based on who they thought had the most writing talent, as well as similar vision for where they want the magazine to go.
i must give a lot of credit to alex for my being appointed this position; he was in my magazine feature writing class last fall and has read some of my work - i think that helped my chances.
i've been fearing graduation and the future; mostly because i felt i didn't have an impressive enough resume or enough talent to actually be hired, but this really helped me a lot. it seems as though when i find myself the most scared and the most unsure of my future, something great comes along to reassure me that, yes, maybe i have chosen the right profession.
to add a heaping helping of sugar atop an already outrageously sweet pie, the editors assigned me one of the biggest stories in the magazine... about music, nonetheless. i'll be reporting on the noise scene in athens, which is surprisingly thriving, believe it or not. so i'll get to spend my time with a lot of shoe-gazers and ask them why they love listening to feedback - cha-ching!
oh, and above that, as well, i'm basically the editor of the entire music section. southeast ohio has never really had a music section, but at least clay, alex and i are all pretty much music-obsessed, so we decided we were going to do what we want with the magazine. so i'll be editing all the music stories.
yeah.... this equals fantastic for me.

i also signed on to the staff of the post, OU's school newspaper. i'm a general stringer in the culture section, now, so i'm not bogged down with a ton of responsibility, but it's still fun. my first piece was published in yesterday's paper. i did the top five most anticipated tv shows for the fall season and i wrote some funny/snide remarks about each. people said they liked it. score for me.

i also joined habitat for humanity, which will be sweet on my resume and sweeter for my soul, because i need to do something good in my life.

so, basically, things are looking up for me, for now. it always begins this way, and i don't want to jinx it. i'm having an absolutely fabulous time, here. with life, with friends, with school... everything. i am remarkably happy in all respects, and i hope this fixed sunshine hanging right above my head can balance up there long enough to get me through the year.

so here's to you; hoping things are as up for you as they have been, for me.

Advertisement